A break is when you take some time and space away from a person who's causing problems for you. The relationship remains, but you are taking an opportunity to reevaluate the values of the relationship. I have found that the older I get, and the longer I have been going to therapy, the more I have been considering taking a friend- break from some stressful or dangerous (to me) people in my life. It would seem that I have done a fantastic job of making friends with really unhealthy people. And the healthier I get, the more of an issue it becomes.
When To Take A Break?
I’m no psychologist nor do I have a million abbreviations next to my last name, (not even one) but I do have a lot of personal experience with catty and seemingly harmless relationships that actually cause serious damage. My roommate and I have been rocky for a while. And by rocky I mean she has an insatiable need for drama and attention and creates problems that aren’t real. It honestly makes me feel insane because you cannot rationalize it, nor can you fix it. You just become collateral damage in this real life soap opera that you did not sign up for. I knew it was time to take a break when we got into yet another pointless fight and she refused to leave my room after being asked multiple times to leave. She didn’t just cross my boundary, she gave it a huge middle finger and spit on it. It reminded me of a childhood filled with people who didn’t listen to me and it was bringing out a dark side in me and I realized I can no longer manage this relationship in a healthy way. So it was time to break the news to her that we would not be speaking for a while.
When dealing with someone who virtually kicks your boundaries in the ass, do not expect them to take that kind of news well. My best advice would be to keep it really simple, voicing only your feelings because they cannot argue that. I was reading texts that could be mistaken for novels because my friend was upset and did not understand how this would be the best thing for our friendship and the best thing for me. We haven’t spoken in a few days and honestly I’ve never been happier. I feel a huge weight lifted off of me, and the negative cloud that followed our friendship around is no longer effecting me. I know one day we will speak again. I will always love her as a person, but there comes a point where we all have to put ourselves first which is exactly what I’m doing from now on.
In Your Life
Friendship does not mean that you have to be embroiled in someone else's drama, or stress, or toxic habits all the time. It is not cruel and unusual, or punishment to take care of yourself. It's healthy and essential to make you whole.
Reach Out Recovery Exclusive By: The Intern