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6 Ways To Know The Ones You Love Don’t Love You Back

17 May 2017 Written by 

We hear a lot of stories about people who feel they’re being destroyed by loved ones who just…don’t act loving. What is that about. When people you love make you feel horrible, it’s hard to believe, and almost impossible to accept, that they’re just not into you. In fact, they may not love you at all. When do you know that what your gut tells you is true?

It’s confusing. Loved ones may say they may want you around for a lot of reasons. They may want you for the façade of happy family, or happy marriage. They may believe (or know) you give good presents or money when they need it. But if you feel bad whenever you speak to them, or when they put you off or ignore you, they’re sending you a message. “I just don’t care about you.” Believe it.

Here are 6 Red Flags That You Are Anything But Loved

Denying There’s Anything Wrong

You’re not included. Your loved one has better things to do when you come to town. He/she stands you up. You can’t get him/her on the phone. You feel horrible and ask what’s going on. Your loved one says it’s all in your head, “You jealous freak, you.”

Not Listening To Anything You Say

You're always wrong. When you disagree with a loved one and he/she lawyers you to death, it’s demoralizing. You're battered with a dozen reasons you’re wrong. You may feel you don’t exist. And for your loved one, you don’t. There is no way you will ever win an argument or be right about anything. 

Triangulating Against You

Your loved one enlists others, your friends or family, into taking sides against you by telling bad things about you. Ganging up at any age makes you into the bad guy that deserves shunning or shaming.

Keeping Secrets

There’s a lot you’re excluded from. Your loved one doesn’t want you to know what’s going on in his/her life, or hides other important facts from you. You make mistakes based on incorrect information. You feel you’re in the dark, and you are.

Gaslighting

Your loved one denies things he/she did, or lies about things you actually know the truth about. Gaslighting constantly puts you on shifting ground so that you never know what’s real. Gaslighting is intended to control and drive you crazy.

Blaming and Shaming

You’re blamed for everything--from tiny things that aren’t perfect--to everything that’s gone wrong in the family, friendship, marriage and every relationship since the beginning of time. You’re also reminded of every mistake and humiliating thing you ever did.

Sometimes people are not aware they hurt you and can be taught to be more sensitive. If they love you, they will listen to your concerns, apologize and make adjustments. When they won’t listen, make excuses, or blame you for having legitimate feelings, however, they know exactly what they’re doing. They won't change, and you need to find new, and trustworthy, people to love. 

Reach Out Recovery Exclusive by Leslie Glass

 

Read 27242 times Last modified on Monday, 22 May 2017 16:30
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Leslie Glass

Leslie Glass is the winner of the American Society of Addiction Medicine 2016 Media Award for her groundbreaking documentary "The Secret World Of Recovery." She is a journalist, playwright, the author of 15 novels and the founder of Reach Out Recovery. She is the producer/director of "The Secret World Of Recovery," and the teen addiction prevention documentary "The Silent Majority" which was distributed by American Public Television to all PBS stations in 2015. Leslie is currently developing more websites and technology to further the recovery and healthy living cause.
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