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Marrying For The Right Reasons

31 October 2016 Written by 

When I got engaged to my ex my mom said, “Life doesn’t have to be hard. There is an EASY button.” And then she leaned back and let me discover what that meant for me.

When I discovered my husband's infidelity and stepped out of the relationship, my father said, “We used to call him ‘the weasel’ … never did like him.” I was shocked. They always acted in a generous and welcoming way to him and his daughters. They even set up a college fund so the girls would have a safety net while  navigating adulthood and pursuing their dreams.

At first, I was angry… “Why didn’t you say something?” I demanded. “Why didn’t you tell me what you really thought of him?” You could have saved me so much grief, I bemoaned.

Why Didn't You Tell Me

My mother calmly replied, “Because we trusted you. Your life is not ours to dictate. Your life is for you. Besides, you wouldn’t have listened to us anyways!” She went on… “Your father courted me with persistence and was certain that he would marry me. I wasn’t as sure and when I asked your grandmother what I should do, she said ‘How does he treat you?’ and left it to me. She trusted me as I trust you.”

My friends echoed my parents’ feelings with a common thread of “finally” and “we knew you’d figure it out!” Everyone took that step back and let me uncover the relationship for what it was all by myself. How humbling that they would love and trust me unconditionally and not judge my choices.

 

I'm Getting Married

As my wedding date nears, I often wish my parents were here. I wonder what they would think of my fiancé and then I realize that their hands are in all of this and it is because of their support and stretch that I am here at all…

Marrying Ron For the Right Reasons

My future husband doggedly pursued me with the same kind of sureness that my father had about my mother. He is just the right amount of support and stretch that I need to feel respected and loved. He stood by while I grieved my parents, never too far out of reach if I needed a friend. He would step up and inquire about moving into a relationship often, always so sure that there were more chapters to our story…. and then step back so I could create the space I needed to figure myself out. He spent the last couple years standing by me and for me as I navigated life without my parents’ immense presence in it. He is generous and kind, confident and thoughtful, and oh how he makes me laugh! He is my protector and my friend, and he adores me. I wasn’t expecting him to propose, but he had other plans, even asking my best friend for her blessing.

Ron's Way Of Proposing

We were getting a car out of storage and putting on the license plate, when he said, “Since I’m already on one knee … will you marry me?” I laughed, and said, “Be serious, Ron.” He motioned me to stay put, retrieved the ring from the car, and returning with the box, he got back on one knee and said, “I am serious.” He opened the little white box to reveal the ring he had chosen for me; three diamonds, each stunning in its own right, but together making an exquisite display and representing the past, present, and future. He went on. “I’ve loved you from the moment I met you.  I’ve waited 35 years for you. Will you marry me?”

A Reach Out Recovery Exclusive By: Elizabeth Viszt

Read 393 times Last modified on Tuesday, 31 January 2017 17:00
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Elizabeth Viszt

Elizabeth Viszt BA,MS, a Health & Wellness Coach in New York, is Master of Habit Change around the areas of nutrition, dieting, and personal relationships.
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