What saddens me is not the end of the possibility of there being an “us”; but the loss of the friendship and the knowing that we should have left it alone and remained on the friend shelf. Now, we are nothing. It’s the square peg-round hole syndrome --- no one is at fault, we just don’t fit together nearly as well as we had expected. We managed to take a friendship based on mutual adventures and be unable to transform it into a partnership based on mutual values. In doing so, we sacrificed that which brought us together as friends in the first place.
From it I have learned many lessons:
- To be present to what’s right in front of me. Instead of how I want it to look/feel. People really do show you who they really are if you’re paying attention.
- To be observant to what’s going on around me; instead of closing my eyes and thinking that things will work out without my being actionable or accountable.
- To be curious as to the bigger picture – after all, how we are in one area of our lives is how we are in all areas.
- To treat myself well so that I can show others how to treat me.
- To detach and create space when I need expanded awareness … and be unapologetic about it.
- To continue my journey of self-awareness – to be who I am and to believe that I really do know what’s best for me.
- To leave my boundaries where they are; and not smudge them because… well… maybe it’ll be different THIS time.
- To let go. To be unattached to meaningless things and to close the door when required.
- To choose to stay within who I am and not allow old wounds and past triggers to complicate matters with endless debating and trying to explain myself.
- To be open to the transformation of who I am in the process and to give myself time to heal, relax and stretch myself in areas that are on the edge of my comfort zone.
And for all of this, I am grateful.