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The Top 16 ROR Originals of 2016

28 December 2016 Written by 

Before we say good-bye to 2016, let's take one more look at the Reach Out Recovery originals you love most.

Number 16 - Breaking The Spell Of Co-dependency - There were those along the way who gently tried to tell me that I was a co-dependent person, but I brushed the idea aside. In my mind, I was clearly not one of those people. But then one day, I opened my mouth and my Higher Power spoke words from my lips that were not my own. Speaking to my mother, these words came out: “No matter how much I do for you, it is never enough!” Continue reading...

Number 15 – Do You Play The Blame Game - There are two parties in the addiction blame game. The addicts and loved ones. Family and Friends can be verbally brutal during periods of active addiction. They want their loved one to stop so badly, they do or say hurtful things trying to effect a positive change. They also may have selective memory and focus on the pain loved ones caused rather than the positive results that recovery had brought. Those with substance use disorders may remember harsh words and actions for the rest of their lives even if their family members actually supported them, paid for their treatment, and acted in honorable ways beyond what they said. Continue reading...

Number 14 – Co-dependent Detaches With An Ax - What I wanted from my orange tree...The sweet scent of an orange blossom is magnetic. The first time I smelled the captivating scent, I was hooked. I rushed out to buy my own tree. Being a Midwesterner, I wasn’t sure how to care for such a tree, so I treated it the way I want to be treated. Every day I visited the tree. I stroked its branches and fought off the bees that swarmed its beautiful blossoms. I got stung often, but it was a small price to pay for the safety of my lovely tree. Continued reading...

Number 13 – Ghosting Why It Hurts - Ghosting may have its roots in the kind of shunning that some religious groups use to control the beliefs and behavior of its members. Perceived wrongdoing followed by punishment in the form of the silent treatment, banishment, excommunication, torture, and even death goes way back. Today, being among the disappeared in social media can feel just as bad. It is personal, it is aggressive. And it is a common way of dumping someone. Continue reading...

Number 12 – Ghosting And Gaslighting Revisited - There are no rules on how to behave these days. That’s the reason our two articles what is gaslighting and what is ghosting have provoked such powerful responses. The term gaslighting, of course, comes from a mid century movie in which a husband tried to kill his wife by altering her reality and making her think she was crazy. Continue reading...

Number 11 – Do You Know The 4 Stages Of Abuse - For so much of my life I lived with the unknown: walking on egg shells, always wondering what was real, and trying to gauge my husband's mood. That is what life is like when you live with a husband who abuses alcohol repeatedly for 30 years.  But thousands of people live with abusers who don't have substance use disorder. Continue reading...

Number 10 – What Is Unresolved Grief - I grieved for my mother for 30 years. I couldn't help it. I looked for her on the street, sobbed when I saw other mothers and daughters having fun. Even shopping for clothes made me sad because it was something we used to do together. Continue reading...

Number 9 – 3 Steps To Get Free of Manipulation - Manipulation is getting you to do, often unreasonable, things that you really don’t want to do. It's important to know that manipulation is often built on a series of lies or misinformation intended to inspire feelings of guilt or sorrow, or worry about what could happen. Your natural eagerness to fix things fuels the manipulator to ask for more. Yet no matter how many hoops you jump through nothing is fixed for long. Manipulators rely on you to back down and give in to ever greater demands. Call it an addiction. Continue reading...

Number 8 – Facing the 7 Deadly Needs - How do you feel during your interactions and relationships? And how do you get your needs met? The seven deadly needs listed below can get you in the same kind of trouble as the 7 deadly sins. Continue reading...

Number 7 – Enabler No More - All my life I’ve believed that the best way to be productive is to work at something every waking hour of every single day. I thought this was a good work ethic, but that attitude of non-stop doing, far from helping me, actually set me up for being the enabler/spoiler I became. Continue reading...

Number 6 – What Is A Manipulator - Have a bully in your life? Here are three things to tell them to get free. Manipulation is a silent killer. It lurks around smiling and charming and making you feel like the smallest person with no power. Sound familiar? Continue reading...

Number 5 – What Is Honesty In Recovery - I traveled to Equinection, a stunningly beautiful horse farm in North Carolina founded by Karen Head, to learn about horses. A steely horsewoman who looks a lot like a female version of Robert Redford in “The Horse Whisperer,” Karen has practiced experiential education for 30 years. Karen has also worked on a ranch, acted and directed in the theatre, performed in a band, and won Emmys for her work in documentaries. Continue reading...

Number 4 – 7 Sneaky Ways You May Be Abused - Are you lavished with love one minute and raged at the next? Emotional abuse is a way to manipulate and control. And it's so confusing. On one side you want to be loved and loving, and those are great qualities. But controlling people who become emotional abusers are not able to manage or understand their feelings. Instead, they use their feelings to manage others. Continue reading...

Number 3 – What Are The 6 Red Flags In A Relationship - It can be so confusing when you meet someone great, or there is already someone in your life whom you admire or love, and that person also does things that make you feel everything is not all right. Red Flags are your own gut feelings that all is not well. Here are some red flags that tell you the person you think you love is not so great for your growth and happiness. Be aware so you can take care. Continue reading...

Number 2 – 10 Ways Narcissists Take Control - What is a narcissist, you might ask. Are you controlled by one? Narcissists are the most confusing (and dangerous) people on earth.  If they are toxic or malignant narcissists, they take control and rob you of your independence in every way. Don’t confuse a garden variety selfish person with a full on narcissist or sociopath. Continue reading...

Number 1 – What Is Gaslighting - Gaslighting is psychologically manipulating someone into questioning his own sanity. It’s a form of control that may begin innocently enough when a boss, coworker, friend, family member or anyone who interacts with you, does something that seems strange. When he or she explains it away, you let it go. It may be something that makes you feel all is not well with the other person, but you rationalize it so that you can keep or repair the relationship. Continue reading...

Thank you for reading all of these and our other Reach Out Recovery Exclusives. We wish you a very happy, healthy, and recovered New Year!

Read 1345 times Last modified on Tuesday, 31 January 2017 16:16
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Pam Carver

In my family of origin, three of us are in treatment for codependency, drugs, and/or alcohol abuse. Two of us are in denial about the devastating effects codependency, drugs, and alcohol have had on our family. None of us are talking about it. I’m the codependent one on a quest for healthy living through love and boundaries. My journey started in Celebrate Recovery. I have much to learn and practice. I live with my wonderful husband, amazing son, and pseudo-therapy beagle, Spot. I enjoy long walks on the beach and writing about the life-changing principles I’m learning in the rooms of recovery.
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