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The Four M's

05 June 2015 Written by 

One of the important lessons I have learned in recovery is about staying out of other people’s business.

That means quite simply, staying on my side of the street and keeping it clean. It’s a full-time job!

 

When I keep the focus on myself and taking care of my own business, I live a more balanced life and others do not feel smothered by me. In recovery I learned about the 4 M’s: martyrdom, manipulating, managing and mothering.  Yup, those four M’s can make my life miserable as well as making other people around me miserable. Those four M’s spring from the root of anxiety and fear and can cause me to over-react by being a “control freak.”

 

Because I am anxious and fearful, I try to make things go my way by using those four M’s. I end up taking on responsibilities that belong to others – getting into their business instead of minding my own. When I learn to tend to my own business, I can relax and flow with life – sing, dance, and sparkle with joy. I’m happy to let others do their part without my interference.

 

I don’t have to do it all and I don’t have to make you do it all. I can do my part and let you do yours in whatever way you see best.

 

Posted 9 hours ago by Amy Turon

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Amy T.

Raised on a dairy farm in upstate NY, I learned to work hard along with my five siblings. I grew up in a very conservative Mennonite-Amish church which shaped a lot of my fundamental core values and beliefs. After moving to Florida to attend college, I married and became mother to five children. Eventually, my unmanageable life came to a crashing halt and I found my way into an Al-Anon recovery program. Recovery has affected every area of my life and I love sharing the things I am learning with others so that they might also find hope for their own recovery.
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