Take A Vacation From Mothering, Managing & Manipulating

29 June 2017 Written by 

I heard this story today in my 12-step meeting: Son texts his mom “I need a vacation!”

Mom immediately goes into “fix-it” mode and starts to think of all the possible ways she can manage her son’s potential vacation – he could go there, he could come here, he could do this, he could do that! Then she did the right thing: she stopped to THINK!

She thought, “What am I doing???” She was busy practicing the 4 M’s of unhealthy behavior – manipulating, mothering, managing and martyrdom. So after stopping to recognize her crazy thinking, she instead chose to respond with this text – “I bet!”  And that’s it. She could walk away without becoming entangled in her son’s affairs or trying to “fix” him and his emotions. He never asked her for her "help" or suggestions. He was just sharing his emotion at that moment.

It is so easy to believe that it is my responsibility to make everyone around me feel better, to fix their problems, soothe their fears, and find a way to bring them happiness and joy. It is not my responsibility! I am responsible for MY own happiness and joy.

I cannot control the emotions and lives of others. For me to think that I can jump in and fix everything is insanity and crazy thinking. I am actually creating chaos with this type of crazy thinking.

Today I will Live and Let Live! I will live my own life and let you live your own life – without my interference!

Content Originally Published By: Amy T. @


Read 1082 times Last modified on Monday, 02 October 2017 16:56
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Amy T.

Raised on a dairy farm in upstate NY, I learned to work hard along with my five siblings. I grew up in a very conservative Mennonite-Amish church which shaped a lot of my fundamental core values and beliefs. After moving to Florida to attend college, I married and became mother to five children. Eventually, my unmanageable life came to a crashing halt and I found my way into an Al-Anon recovery program. Recovery has affected every area of my life and I love sharing the things I am learning with others so that they might also find hope for their own recovery.
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