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Selling The Family Home Why It Feels So Bad

11 February 2015 Written by 

A Reach Out Recovery Exclusive By Madeline Schloop: Should A Mom Feel Guilty For Moving On

 

After I sold my 4 bedroom/2 bath house and mostly everything in it, I knew life was going to be different for me and my five adult children. I had neither the desire nor money for another big house. I wanted to move into a small 1-bedroom condo. That would mean no one could move back in and I wouldn’t have the repair bills a larger home brings. I was excited to be right sized, but I was concerned about my children. They all have those moments when their rent is late, or the grocery money runs out. Typically they would move back home for a little while and save up and go back out when the their hearts and bank account were fixed. Now there wouldn’t be a safe landing place when trouble came. I wouldn’t be able to have them come live with me because of the condo association wouldn’t allow a guest to stay for more than 3 weeks.

A Home Of One's Own       

In one way it was great to know I was safe from anyone needing a place to stay. They would have to solve the problem without coming home. I wouldn’t even be asked because an outside authority was setting the boundary.

My kids are great, but they are also needy. When they need something they want it yesterday. I set boundaries, but sometimes those boundaries are ignored by my own Mother’s heart.

On the other hand even though I now had a safe, small, affordable home my children didn’t. They each paid rent, either at college or on their own. I wasn’t sure how I felt leaving all my children with no place to land.

Should I Feel Guilty                 

As happy as I was living alone in a small dwelling I was being plagued by my Mother’s guilt. What have I done? I asked myself over and over. Where would my poor children go? Had I abandoned them by being selfish and thinking only of myself?

The truth was I really had no choice. I needed to find an affordable home for myself. This was what the budget would allow.

My Higher Power had done for me what I couldn’t do for myself. Say,” No” to my children.

What I did to face my fears       

  • Stop being dramatic and believing my children would be homeless with me.
  • Trust my Higher Power to find another solution if the need arose.
  • Called my Sponsor and listened to her remind me,” Worrying did not mean love.”
  • Enjoyed the Peace and Quiet and soaked up the silence.

 

So far each of my adult children has found affordable shelter. That could change in a moment, but truly none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Life is fragile and amazing. The best way for me to live it is one day at a time.  

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Read 946 times Last modified on Tuesday, 13 December 2016 19:57
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Madeline Schloop

Madeline is the widow of a man who died of alcoholism and the mother of 5 young adults whom she parents with the tools of Al-Anon. Her children continue to be affected by the disease of alcoholism. Her stories  deal with life's daily trials and what has and hasn't worked.
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