They used sibling comparison in an attempt to get a better performance from me. “Why can’t you be like your sister?” or “Look how much better your brother is!” – these are not helpful in bringing about a change in behavior.
In fact, shaming can lead to a life-time of negative feelings about oneself. Shame is a very difficult feeling to overcome. I personally struggled for most of my life to get free from the shaming I had experienced in my childhood. Shame caused me to hate myself. In hating myself, I saw life through this veil of self-hatred. It felt like I was always dragging around a ball and chain attached to my heart.
Self-hatred was a way of life for me. I now know that it was caused by this underlying root of shame. How very important it is not to shame our children – or anyone else, for that matter. It’s a very heavy burden to carry through life.
In my 12-step program I heard over and over, “We will love you until you learn to love yourself.”
Being a recipient of this kind of unconditional love finally set me free from my shroud of shame.
Content Originally Published By: Amy T. @ Blogspot.com