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Overcoming Shame And Self-Hatred

06 April 2017 Written by 

In my own experience I have discovered that shame is not a great motivator for change. It didn’t work for my parents who tried to shame me into better behavior.

They used sibling comparison in an attempt to get a better performance from me. “Why can’t you be like your sister?” or “Look how much better your brother is!” – these are not helpful in bringing about a change in behavior.

In fact, shaming can lead to a life-time of negative feelings about oneself. Shame is a very difficult feeling to overcome. I personally struggled for most of my life to get free from the shaming I had experienced in my childhood. Shame caused me to hate myself. In hating myself, I saw life through this veil of self-hatred. It felt like I was always dragging around a ball and chain attached to my heart.

Self-hatred was a way of life for me. I now know that it was caused by this underlying root of shame. How very important it is not to shame our children – or anyone else, for that matter. It’s a very heavy burden to carry through life.

In my 12-step program I heard over and over, “We will love you until you learn to love yourself.”

Being a recipient of this kind of unconditional love finally set me free from my shroud of shame. 

Content Originally Published By: Amy T. @ Blogspot.com

Read 2470 times Last modified on Wednesday, 12 April 2017 15:21
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Amy T.

Raised on a dairy farm in upstate NY, I learned to work hard along with my five siblings. I grew up in a very conservative Mennonite-Amish church which shaped a lot of my fundamental core values and beliefs. After moving to Florida to attend college, I married and became mother to five children. Eventually, my unmanageable life came to a crashing halt and I found my way into an Al-Anon recovery program. Recovery has affected every area of my life and I love sharing the things I am learning with others so that they might also find hope for their own recovery.
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