Recently a friend had a Christmas party. Normally I am invited to such events. This time I wasn't and didn't even know about it until I saw the party photos on Facebook.
I was surprised and hurt. Fear of rejection is one of my deepest fears and not being invited triggered all my childhood fears. The old fear produced anxiety and shallow breathing and the hamster wheel was running at full speed in my head. Thoughts swirled around my head as I tried to "figure out" why I wasn't invited.
The truth was I had sent my friend a "Have a good day" text early in the morning and he had replied with, “Thank you! You too.”
I tried to understand:
- What had I said to be uninvited?
- Were they mad at me?
- How would I wiggle the truth out of my friend without appearing needy?
- Should I call up some mutual friends and ask what they thought was the reason I wasn't invited?
Thankfully I had learned when my mind begins to spin out of control to grab some Al-Anon literature and read it until my sanity returns.
As I wrestled with my panicked state I came across a saying in one of my favorite daily readers, Courage to Change, “ Nothing can bring you peace, but yourself.” All my thinking about the reason was only causing me to get upset and feel hurt. How often in life I need answers to my questions when there is no need. I wasn’t invited and that was the reality.
Letting go of my need to know why I wasn't invited I felt a deep peace settle over me. I hadn’t made the invite list. That didn’t mean I wasn’t loved or appreciated.
I was not intended to be at this party. I was supposed to be home that evening. The reason was beyond me, but I knew my journey towards peace was to accept life on life’s terms. There are times life does not reveal a clear answer to my “why?” It will often only cause me stress and frustration by trying to figure the answer out with my limited knowledge. How much easier it is to simply practice acceptance and let it go.
Reach Out Recovery Exclusive By: Madeline Schloop