Co-Dependent's Recipe for Blueberry Cobbler

26 February 2016 Written by 

As a good little co-dependent, I put others first and myself last. I don’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings, so I give up on what I want. Years of repressing my feelings, needs, and ideas has gotten me far off track, but I’m taking steps, 12 to be exact, to get healthy.

Setting boundaries is essential, and I’m practicing my new habits in the kitchen. I used to “show love,” it was more like manipulating others, by baking (and then eating), but flour doesn’t love me.  Our ROR website explains most codependents have the following tendencies I’ve tried all of these:

Love People I Can Pity And Rescue

 “Look at the lonely canister of flour. It seems so sad and just wants to be part of a recipe.”

Always Do More Than My Share

“I can use the flour to bake cookies for my husband’s co-workers. Of course, I should eat a cookie or two as a treat.”

Feel Hurt When People Don’t Recognize My Efforts

“His co-workers didn’t appreciate my made-from-scratch cookies. Fortunately, I kept a few back. Eating one will cheer me up.”

Have Unhealthy Dependence On Relationships

“My best friend hasn’t been calling me lately. Maybe I’ll make some brownies to take over to her.”

Do Anything To Retain Relationships

“My hairdresser wants to retire. I bet if I bake a batch of cinnamon rolls for her, she’ll still cut my hair on the side. Who can resist one of my cinnamon rolls? I know I can’t.”

Crave Approval And Recognition

 “My son’s teacher asked Suzy’s mom to bring the cookies for the Christmas party, and she brought store-bought. (Gasp!) I’ll put my signature sugar cookies in her gift basket, so we can avoid a similar mishap at the next party.”

Feel Guilty When Asserting Myself

“I can’t believe I had to ground my son. I hate disciplining him. I’ll fix his favorite macaroni and cheese for dinner, so he’ll know I still love him.”

Control Others

“My husband doesn’t want to see that new chick flick with me this weekend, but he’ll change his mind after a batch of my Neiman Marcus cookies.”

Don't Trust Anyone, Even Myself

 “Did you see that pizza maker? I know she grabbed the regular pizza crust when I specifically ordered gluten-free. I did order gluten-free, right? Where’s my receipt? I can’t eat all of that flour. I’ll be bloated for days!”

Thanks to the support I’ve found in Celebrate Recovery, I set a healthy boundary with flour, and I love it where it’s at – in the container instead of my tummy.

Blueberry Cobbler Sans Gluten & Guilt for One

For the Filling:

  • 1 pint fresh blueberries, rinsed
  • 2 tablespoons of sugar
  • ½ teaspoon of vanilla
  • 1 tablespoon of butter cut into small pieces
  • 1 small oven-proof dish. I use a 4 cup glass bowl.

Spray the baking dish with non-stick spray.  Add the berries, sugar, vanilla, and butter to the bowl and stir to combine.

For the crust:

  • 1 cup gluten-free quick-cooking oats
  • 2 tablespoons of sugar
  • ½ teaspoon of cinnamon
  • 3 tablespoons of butter

Place all of the ingredients in a food-processor and blend until the crust is the consistency of small pea-sized clumps. For a more refined crust, blend the oats first then blend in remaining ingredients. Spread the crust mixture on top of berries. Bake at 350 degrees for approximately 30 minutes.

* White flour may be substituted for the oats and tastes just as good. Sometimes I use brown sugar instead of white. It all works, and what you use in your kitchen is no longer any of my business.

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A Reach Out Recovery Exclusive By: Pam Carver

Read 1602 times Last modified on Monday, 07 November 2016 15:41
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Pam Carver

In my family of origin, three of us are in treatment for codependency, drugs, and/or alcohol abuse. Two of us are in denial about the devastating effects codependency, drugs, and alcohol have had on our family. None of us are talking about it. I’m the codependent one on a quest for healthy living through love and boundaries. My journey started in Celebrate Recovery. I have much to learn and practice. I live with my wonderful husband, amazing son, and pseudo-therapy beagle, Spot. I enjoy long walks on the beach and writing about the life-changing principles I’m learning in the rooms of recovery.
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