Elizabeth Viszt BA,MS, a Health & Wellness Coach in New York, is Master of Habit Change around the areas of nutrition, dieting, and personal relationships.
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When the decades of life are attached to a societal norm of being, looking around often answers the question, “Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing?”
Children are children, and when someone acts as a child does, the response elicited is often to stop acting like a child. Further, we are scolded to grow up. Not far out of childhood, it’s no wonder that the monikers attached to teens are often – indecisive, sulky, uncommunicative, and secretive. Growing up is something they're moving toward.
Our relationship has ended. Not failed, but simply completed. We need to rethink what endings can teach us about the past and future.
There is a tendency to live in patterns. Or to re-live patterns… depending on what works for any given person. Often, the patterns are hidden from our view; found outside our peripheral vision or in our blind spots. These patterns play themselves out in every area of our lives until we discover them and let them go.
Eighteen months. That’s the time span that researchers have recommended for healing. Eighteen months for each stress inducing life event. Be it marriage or divorce, birth or death, diagnosis or remission; the fact is that the body doesn’t know “good” stress from “bad” stress. The time allotment is the same for each: eighteen months.
Can you listen when you think you already know it all. Not really. When listening through something and you think, “I already know this,” there is no learning. Subsets of this lack of paying attention to another person are: “I’ve heard this before,” and “Here we go again with this story.” No Progress can be made.
People have many excuses for enabling, so it's a really good question to ask yourself. “Oh, he’s just had a hard day at work and needs to unwind with a few drinks.” Have you ever said that. “My son is very sensitive, so I need to take care of that for him.” Have you said that. We take on the role of an enabler for many reasons and often aren't aware that it's a problem. Enablers believe that pardoning the misbehavior of a loved one, or stepping in to fix something, is just helping out.
Detachment has many meanings, and many applications. One definition of detachment is “a state of being lost in thought” which is synonymous with being pensive, reflective and self-aware. We'll focus on self-aware as protection against hurt.
“Will I be like my dad?” “My whole family are addicts; does this mean I’ll be one too?” For many children of an alcoholic parent, there is the need to “not end up like” that parent. Unfortunately, that which we resist only persists and these children often create in themselves ground that is fertile for alcoholism or other addictive behaviors.
There are people in the world who just have that magic attitude that inspires others. They approach life with a certain curiosity and resilience, asking questions without getting attached to the outcomes. The answer doesn’t matter - they ask away! A “no” merely sends them in the direction of a possibility that they had not yet considered… until that moment. A shift in perspective takes them on a path that results in stretch and growth. Every adventure is viewed as an opportunity.