It wasn’t even that shocking when I still believed the alcoholic when he placed his hand on the bible and promised God and me he was done with drinking forever three years later. It started to be a little strange though that after 10 years he was still writing heart felt notes that he would never drink again and I believed him every time with a smile of relief that everything was going to be fine now. Each and every time I believed him.
Was I alone being fooled?
No, because my husband honestly believed every word he was telling me. The fact was we were both being fooled by the disease of alcoholism. He was fooled into believing he could control this monster of a disease and I believed all he had to do was to stop drinking and everything would magically be normal.
We were like so many couples out there believing we were wiser than this disease.
- That we could figure it out.
- We were smarter than it.
- We were more determined than it was.
- That if we went to church and prayed harder this would all go away.
We believed for 30 years. Every year the disease would take a little bit more of my husband’s personality, mind, physical health and sanity. I was fooled right along with my husband that we had the answers and all we had to do was find the golden solution. The right words to say or the right habit to instill. We had no idea how baffling, cunning, and powerful this disease was, but we would learn.
After 29 years of marriage my husband passed away, still believing he could control this disease.
I am no longer fooled by the disease as often. In the rooms of Al-Anon I learned the painful truth.
- I could never outsmart this disease.
- I could no longer believe every word that any one suffering from addiction tells me.
- I could look at their actions as proof instead of listening to their spiel.
- I could know that the disease can sound and look just like my loved one and can use my own heart against me.
- I could know that the easy thing to do and the right thing are often worlds apart.
- I now know I need support from informed friends who understand the disease and how painful dealing with it can be.
- I know today that addiction kills most its victims and only a few wake up in time.
I may still be gullible when someone plays a joke on me, but today I am not fooled so easily by the disease of addiction. It is definitively no laughing matter.
Content Originally Published By: Madeline Schloop @ Reach Out Recovery