- Did they think my family was good enough?
- Did they think I was thin enough?
- Did they think I was a good mother?
- Did they think my husband was sober?
My mind centered on these and similar thoughts. It was the focus of my time and energy. To hear that I was worrying about things that were none of my business was both shocking and life changing.
What would I think about if I wasn’t trying to appear put together and happy though I was neither. Living with the disease of alcoholism is both exhausting and draining. My husband’s disease embarrassed me on a constant basis. What was I supposed to do about that? Just forget what other’s thought of my family and me and let my husband be who he was?
Yes! That was exactly what I was supposed to do according to my sponsor. I needed to respect the alcoholic enough so he could live his life without my constant supervision and control. The consequences would appear to guide him far better than my constant nagging and criticisms had done over the years. It wasn’t easy to watch my loved one make decisions I didn’t agree with and to feel embarrassed as they were played out in a public arena at times, I did have a deeper sense of sanity letting him go.
While it didn’t happen overnight I had the joy of knowing I was working towards a goal of accepting that what others thought of me was truly none of my business. I am now better able to focus on what I do have control over…me.
A Reach Out Recovery Exclusive By Madeline Schloop