My husband didn’t like going to movies so we didn’t go to the movies. He didn’t like to leave the house so we stayed home on weekends. So many times I went along with his choices because I didn’t think I had a choice. Why did I do that? Because I didn’t have my own opinion about anything. How sad for anyone to lose their voice. And I am not alone.
I was behind a woman in a meeting recently who was bemoaning how much weight she had gained since her husband’s neck surgery. She had given up all her fun outings since he could no longer join her. He told her to go without him, he would be fine. She chose to stay home and not enjoy herself without him. Her resentment grew along with her dress size. Who was to blame for this situation? Ultimately, she is responsible for her own happiness and health.
I have learned that I too, have final say over what I do. This was an incredibly huge surprise to me when I entered the rooms of recovery. Due to my misinterpretation of my role as a wife I let decades go by letting a sick person make decisions for our entire family. With the help of Al-Anon I have found the following to be true for me:
I am allowed to say No to anyone anytime
I am allowed to say No and not explain why
I am allowed to do what is best for me
I am allowed to make decisions that cause others to feel uncomfortable
I am allowed to let others be uncomfortable
And that I am allowed to have coconut anytime I want
What are you missing out on because someone else doesn’t like it? I found out I love going to the movies, kayaking, going on hikes, and that I really don't like coconut all that much. At least now I know what I like and don't like, and that is an important part of freedom.
A Reach Out Recovery Exclusive By Madeline Schloop
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