When I shared with her the three C’s (You didn’t cause this, you can’t control this, and you can’t cure this) in regard to the individual she was trying to “fix,” she was overwhelmed with emotion. It was an “ah-ha” moment for her.
What does caretaking look like? It feels stressful, exhausting, and frustrating. It crosses the boundaries of others, rather than honoring them. Caretaking is given with “strings attached,” and leads to feeling like a victim and a martyr. Caretakers don’t practice self-care and believe that others’ needs are more important than their own needs. They worry about everyone and believe that they have all the right answers. Caretakers don’t believe that others can take care of themselves, and that it’s necessary that they be rescued. They offer advice and assistance without even being asked for it.
To break free from the grip of caretaking takes courage. I must remind myself that every human has their own Higher Power (and it’s definitely not me!), and that each person is responsible for their own choices, happiness, and life. I must live my life, because if I don’t – who will?? Live and let live! I live my life and let you live your life free from my interference.
This dear woman asked me after the meeting how long it took me to find peace and be free from feeling “guilty” for not taking care of other people in my life. I answered honestly that for me, it took about a year to move beyond the false guilt I felt, and find peace and serenity in living my own life. I am so thankful for the tools I have been given that have shown me how to step away from being a codependent caretaker of others.
Content Originally Posted By: Amy T. @ Blogspot