I wouldn’t be able to have them come live with me because of the condo association wouldn’t allow a guest to stay for more than 3 weeks.
In one way it was great to know I was safe from anyone needing a place to stay. They would have to solve the problem without coming home. I wouldn’t even be asked because an outside authority was setting the boundary.
Boundaries Are Hard
My kids are great, but they are also needy. When they need something they want it yesterday. I set boundaries, but sometimes those boundaries are ignored by my own Mother’s heart.
On the other hand even though I now had a safe, small, affordable home my children didn’t. They each paid rent, either at college or on their own. I wasn’t sure how I felt leaving all my children with no safe place to land in the case of an emergency
Guilt Entered The Picture
As happy as I was living alone in a small dwelling I was being plagued by my Mother’s guilt. What have I done? I asked myself over and over. Where would my poor children go? Had I abandoned them by being selfish and thinking only of myself? How could I sell their childhood home and not replace it?
The truth was I really had no choice. I needed to find an affordable home for myself. This was what the budget would allow.
My Higher Power had done for me what I couldn’t do for myself. Say a big, ” No” to all my children.
Using Tools To Sort Through Conflicting Emotions
What I did to face those fears was to:
- Stop being dramatic and believing my children would be homeless with me.
- Trust my Higher Power to find another solution if and when the need arose.
- Called my Sponsor and listened to her remind me,” Worrying did not mean love.”
- Enjoyed the Peace and Quiet of living alone and soaked up the silence.
So far each of my adult children has been able to afford their own place. That could change in a moment, but truly none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Life is fragile and amazing. The best way for me to live it is one day at a time.
A Reach Out Recovery Exclusive By Madeline Schloop