Recovery Parenting 101 Tattoos & Piercings

26 January 2014 Written by 

So she got her tongue pierced. She had texted me before she had it done, “I want to do this.Will you still love me? Please don’t hate me.” What does a Mother reply to this? I wanted to say a lot of things.

I wanted to say, “Think of the money I’ve spent on your teeth. Think of how people will react to you. Think of the pain and possible infection. Think of what my friends will say.” But we had discussed this subject before and she knew my concerns. She is a beautiful 18 year old woman who no longer needed my signature on a release form at the tattoo parlor. I used the tools of my program before I replied to her question.

  • I breathed deeply
  • I counted to ten (twice)
  • I accepted the facts and my powerlessness
  • I found a gratitude (She still cared what I thought)

She was an individual on her own journey and my voice was no longer the deciding vote in her life. I was proud of her in a way. I would never have had the courage to go against my Mother at her age. She was willing to risk my love to be true to herself.

Her texts tried to assure me she was in her right mind and had given this a lot of thought.

  • She would use acrylics balls to protect her teeth
  • She had a professional she trusted doing it
  • She would only keep it in for a few months (just to get it out of her system)
  • It wasn’t a tattoo or facial piercing (were these my only choices?)

I could see in her texts she wanted to have my approval, but I did not want my daughter’s tongue pierced, even by a trusted tattoo professional.

My reply was important because this was the first time we had held opposite points of view with no middle ground. She would be going against my wishes, plain and simple. We were laying the ground work for what would be our relationship from now on. We were officially now two adult women on separate journeys. If we were to travel together it would be because we both chose to.

It was my turn to accept reality, my little girl was gone and in her place was this amazing, brave young woman. I replied, ”I will always love you… see you at home.” In the end that was all she ever wanted.

Reach Out Recovery Exclusive By Madeline Schloop 





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Madeline Schloop

Madeline is the widow of a man who died of alcoholism and the mother of 5 young adults whom she parents with the tools of Al-Anon. Her children continue to be affected by the disease of alcoholism. Her stories  deal with life's daily trials and what has and hasn't worked.
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