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The Co-Dependent Moves Across Town

19 May 2017 Written by 

This week, my small family is moving across town. I’d be wise to leave all of my unhealthy habits here, but, of course, it’s not that simple. Co-dependency sounds like someone who is unable to complete any task without the help of others. 

Co-dependency Makes Me Find My Value What Others Say About Me

That means I expect myself to do more than humanly possible to get the praise I crave. if I can pack my house all by myself in just one day, surely someone will say, “Wow. You are amazing. How on earth did you manage to do that all by yourself? That would’ve taken me weeks.” Then I would muster my last remaining bit of strength to reply, “Oh, it was nothing.” And smile. The smile’s authentic because other people’s praise is my drug.

Why Can't I Ask For Help

Recovering from Co-dependency takes understanding and practice. I am aware of the problem. We have to practice our new healthy habits “in all our affairs,” so it makes sense that our unhealthy habits are also lurking in the dark corners of all our affairs.

I Forgot To Practice Recovery Tools In My Move

I was in denial about how much work needed to be done, and more importantly, I refused to ask for help.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages, I primarily show love to others by acts of service. Of course I do. Believe it or not, I had to take the quiz to figure that out. 

This Co-dependent came out of the womb wanting to serve others. Over time, my valiant efforts to receive love the love I wanted (in the form of acts of service) proved to be unfruitful. Hence the story of my orange tree. Hurt and dejected, I vowed to protect my broken heart by building tall walls. More about that some other time.

I Keep Expecting Others To Speak My Love Me Language

 I couldn't stop doing it all myself, but I did try to find a few of my recovery tools.

  1. I kept trying to tell myself to just look at the next 12 hours
  2. I asked myself, “How important is it?”
  3. I finally texted my friends from recovery to ask for prayer

Not Proud Of My Progress Here

It was messy, but it's over. Today, I have two choices. I can look back on the mess I made with disapproval and disdain, or I can be gentle with myself. In this move, I became aware of how my bad habits hurt me and my family. That awareness leads to acceptance, and then action. Maybe by the next time I move, I might actually be willing to let a friend help me pack.

Recipe For The Co-Dependent’s Cupboard is Bare Coffee

Moving is tough, but my coffee pot is always the last item to be packed and the first one to be unpacked. So what can you do when your milk and/or creamer is in another home? Make it Russian.

1 or more (no judgement here) Cup of hot coffee

1 or more scoops (again, no judgement) of ice cream 

Plop ice cream into hot coffee, stir and enjoy. Friends in Russia often enjoy this beverage after a delicious meal, but for me, it’s a great way to start moving day.

 Reach Out Recovery Exclusive By Pam Carver

Read 1167 times Last modified on Thursday, 01 June 2017 15:28
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Pam Carver

In my family of origin, three of us are in treatment for codependency, drugs, and/or alcohol abuse. Two of us are in denial about the devastating effects codependency, drugs, and alcohol have had on our family. None of us are talking about it. I’m the codependent one on a quest for healthy living through love and boundaries. My journey started in Celebrate Recovery. I have much to learn and practice. I live with my wonderful husband, amazing son, and pseudo-therapy beagle, Spot. I enjoy long walks on the beach and writing about the life-changing principles I’m learning in the rooms of recovery.
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